My Husband Is Gay - What to Do if Your Husband Comes Out of the Closet !?
When we are young, we all fantasize about the future. You think you're going to have the best marriage ever the day you get married. You promise yourself that your marriage will be different; it will be like heaven on earth. As you grow older, you realize that you are not the ideal wife, and the man you married is not the ideal husband. You might even consider divorcing or going to couple's treatment to avoid the downward spiral. Then you realize that life isn't perfect, but it's okay, it's good enough, and you're happier than many people in many respects. Other aspects of your life function similarly; your job, your children, your interests - they aren't great, but they are adequate.
Then comes the midlife crisis. It can strike anyone in their late thirties to late forties, and in some cases, even their sixties. You start to wonder what the point of it all is - why am I here; am I successful; what was my dream; did I achieve it; am I on the right route or am I on the wrong track to my goals? This is the age when some men change jobs or wives, making it the ideal time for a professional change, a divorce, or even both.It's also the age when people who knew they were gay but assumed they'd change discover they didn't, and they're entering their last chance to be happy - the age when grownups come out of the closet.
If you find yourself in a scenario where your husband has come out of the closet, keep the following in mind:
1- When you got married, he probably didn't try to deceive you because he assumed he'd change and everything would be fine, or he didn't know.
2- In their forties, everyone breaks out of their shell. The doctor realizes that he intended to be a plumber all along. He became a doctor in order to please his father, and he assumed that everything would be fine, but it isn't. He makes the decision to change since he believes this is his last chance to be happy.
3- You may believe that counseling will help him, but therapy will not change his sexual orientation.
Because you're married to a gay man, you'll have to make one of the following decisions:
1- You might obtain a divorce so that he can enjoy his life as a gay guy and you can find someone who truly wants to be with you. It doesn't have to be a painful breakup; in fact, it may be a win-win situation in which you both wish each other happiness. After all, you married because you actually loved one other, and loving also entails wishing each other well.
2- You might opt for an open marriage, in which both of you date other guys, as many people do. There isn't anything more destructive than this option, but it appears to work for some people.
3- You could choose to stay married while you know he is gay and he attempts to accept the fact that he will never live a gay man's life. Unfortunately, many people choose this option, but the husband isn't truly happy, and the wife has no way of knowing whether or not her husband is loyal to her.
In my case, we went with the first option. I was more than willing to go with the third option for the sake of everyone's sake, but we decided we wanted something better for ourselves, and we've never looked back. We are still the greatest of friends and love one other dearly, but not in the way that a husband and wife should.
Maybe you'll go with one of the other options, but it'll be something you and your partner have to agree on. One cannot force the other to make a specific decision, as this is headed to failure and ruin.
